Sunday, August 03, 2008

Dracula by Abercrombie and Fitch

When did vampires and werewolves become sexy teenagers in love? I haven't read Stephanie Myers books. She's probably a great writer and I won't diminish her popularity, but please permit me to be clueless and just not get it.

Dracula and the Wolfman are monsters. They were the primo movie villains. Wolfman was a poor schmoe who ended up with a curse. Dracula on the other hand was King of the Vampires. He was calculating and grim. He might steal your girlfriend just because he wanted to show off - not because he was in love.

Maybe it started with Lost Boys. They were hip teen vampires. However, they didn't have the pouty lips and tired eyes of this current bunch of underwear and blue jean models. Twilight is Dracula as reimagined by Abercrombie and Fitch.

One monster is being left out of this trend. Long before these newcomers, he had pouty lips and the sunken, heavy-lidded eyes. Where's the young, sexy Frankenstein? I think this may be my opportunity. Now if I can only figure out how to write stories that teenage girls will buy -- hah, good luck!

Esmerelda (Esme) felt out of place at her new school. Making friends was not easy. Her world changed when she met Franz. He didn't say much, but she longed to hear him say, "Friend . . . good." Esme was so in love with Franz that she was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. She would not be happy until she had bolts installed in her neck and then she and Franz could live happily ever after and raise children with flat heads and thick shoes.

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