In honor of the dark side of Valentine's Day, that is break-ups, I submit the following take on the most cosmic break-up of the previous year.
Ways that the International Astronomical Union might have broken the news to Pluto that it was no longer a planet.
1. It’s not you, you’re a fine planet and we are sure you’ll meet another lucky Union someday.
2. Let’s be honest, you are not the planet we met all those years ago. Maybe we’re a bit shallow but we just love a nice hydrostatically balanced figure in a planet.
3. We’ve given you adequate time and opportunity to improve your elliptical orbit and you just don’t seem to be making any progress.
4. Well, it came down to you and Xena and we just felt that Xena was more of what today’s kids are looking for in a planet.
5. We’re sorry but we just do not understand this whole trans-Neptunian thing you are into.
6. We think you are a negative influence on Charon, Nix, and Hydra. They shouldn’t have to think that everything revolves around Pluto. [Hint: Charon, Nix, and Hydra are Pluto's moons. Get it?]
7. You have a great future ahead of you, but with the economy the way it is we just simply cannot afford a ninth planet.
8. We've heard rumors about you and Venus and the Union has strict guidelines about interplanetary fraternization.
9. You seem to be more frigid lately.